Why Your Boundaries Aren’t Helping (And What You Should Be Doing Instead)
It’s not about how others see you. It’s about how YOU see you.
We feel like having better boundaries at work will show others our worth and they will treat us better.
When what’s really needed is for YOU to understand your worth and treat you better.
That’s why boundaries don’t work, but identity work does.
Are you ready to talk about this?
Boundaries at work may seem like the solution to your overwhelm and burnout.
We hear it all the time: “Set boundaries,” “Say no,” “Protect your peace.”
But the real question is… do you REALLY feel better about yourself after you set those boundaries?
The truth is, boundaries so that someone else sees you differently, alone won’t help you feel better.
It’s who you see yourself as that makes the difference.
If you’re struggling with consistency, confidence, or clarity at work, the root cause is often your self-worth.
Sis listen… It's hard to nurture someone you don’t believe is worth your time and energy.
And that “someone” might be you.
If you don’t believe you're worthy of self-care (aka if you don't believe you're worth the time, effort, financial investment or results you desire) your actions and behaviors will reflect that.
This is why identity work is the shortcut to success.
It’s not about hustling harder or adding more tasks to your plate.
It’s about deciding, once and for all, who you are.
When you believe, “People like me do things like this,” your actions align naturally with that belief.
Once that shift happens, you’ll see your habits and results follow.
And guess one of the first habits that you’ll naturally crave?
Yep…you guessed it!
Self-care.
You are going to naturally desire to take better care of your body and to treat it the way it’s always deserved to be treated.
This is how consistent self-care becomes your natural state.
In case it wasn’t 1000% clear above, we need to get something straight.
Boundaries are not self-care.
They help, but they don’t fix everything.
We’ve all been told that if we just set better boundaries at work, we’ll feel better about ourselves.
But that’s just a quick fix for our egos.
You might stop working weekends, but what does that say about how you’re treating yourself during that time?
If the boundary of no after hours work simply means that you treat yourself to movie marathons until 3 am while drinking espresso martinis and eating pizza every evening, are you really better off?
Better boundaries do not mean you are treating yourself any better.
The goal is for you to see you are worthy of truly nurturing your needs, not get someone to see/treat you better because of a boundary.
The real work starts with how we see and treat ourselves.
We can’t just set boundaries without following through with intentional self-care.
When we care for our mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual self—that’s when you’re practicing self-care.
And this isn’t about doing everything right.
Don’t get started on perfectionism.
It’s about shifting your mindset to align with your worthiness.
Once you truly believe that you’re worth the time and effort, not only will YOUR actions align, but so will the actions of the Universe around you.
How we treat ourselves is the energetic policy and procedure manual that the world will follow.
What to Do Next? Act on Your Worth
Decide who you want to be.
Who do you know you are? How do you see yourself? And who are you becoming? Your identity is correlated to your self-worth.
Stack your habits to reflect that identity.
The woman you want to be is already inside you, she just needs your love and attention. The boundaries you’ve been focused on are actually hiding her, not empowering her. Let her express herself by taking care of herself.
Commit to small, consistent acts of self-care.
Whether it’s 10 minutes of movement, journaling, or simply taking a deep breath, do it because you know you deserve it. Focus on quality over quantity as you step into the habits and behaviors of the real you.
When you make self-care part of your identity, it’s not a “fad” or “checklist”.
It’s simply who you are.
Just like how you show up in your career, your relationships, and your life, you get to choose how you show up for yourself.
You are the blueprint.
You are the guide.
And when you care for yourself like you mean it, you teach others how to treat you, too.
The truth is, big dreams don’t come from more boundaries.
They come from higher standards.
The version of yourself you’re striving for starts with how you treat yourself.
So, take a look in every area that you want to erect and boundary and insteak ask yourself: What do I need to give myself at this moment?
When you raise your standards and give yourself what you need, the results you’re looking for (whether in your career, your health, or your life) will come naturally.
Now is the time to make that shift.
It’s time to stop putting up walls and start meeting the standards you deserve.
You’re worth it.
Your next step?
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Welcome to the 1st Pillar of Wellness: Self-Worth, in the Mindset Realm.
Boundaries aren’t the answer! It’s about who I see myself as. Good stuff. So many of us lack this realization. We hunger for the revelation unknowingly. Thank you for the tools to make this a reality. God Bless.